Exodus

The drama of this word is not lost on me at this point in my life. It has been my goal for the past 18 months. Leaving that is. Leaving, exiting, getting out of what was my normal that became my coffin.

I fell into the grave with my late husband the day he suddenly hit the pearly gates and left us behind, 18 months ago. It’s been a slow crawl out, but finally my soul is becoming restored, my heart is getting back together and there are moments of joy returning to my life. There will be relapses I am certain but once the final phase of the exodus is complete I will be far away from my once was and able to better handle the repeat.

The semi final phase of my exit will happen this week - leaving my job of 11 or so years. At my age and my time of service, I am blessed with the ability to retire. I don’t know how to hold on there any longer and am glad to be leaving in a retired status and the financial blessings that holds for me.

And then there’s the house. The shelter in my storm but at the same time, the source of my heartache as I have maintained my new normal in an empty, vanilla, striped down version of what was here for 20 years. Living in these last months here with the ghosts of memories.

I am the last one out. Our son graduated and went off to college and never returned to live here almost a decade ago. My sweet fur baby has even gone ahead to our new home and is currently with family! This place, is my was, my used to be, my has been and never will be again.

And for that I am thankful. Thankful that I survived and now I am ready to thrive on a different paradigm. Thankful I am exiting everything that was normal that had became so sad in the wake of loss. Thankful God has always been and will always be my source of the thrive. I could not be where I am, lived through what I have and be who I am today without His unfailing love, care and provision.

Thank you Jesus.

“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope. The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:21-23)