ONE
One year from - “Rhonda, he’s lying on the kitchen floor…I think he’d dead…I’ll call you right back.” I was 12 hours away by car when I got the 6:00am call that jolted me out of a deep sleep that Monday morning. It’s still hard to explain all that happened next. I jumped out of bed and went screaming through my sister’s house to find her…it was so traumatic. But in a flash, I was changed forever… we were changed…..me and my precious boy were catapulted like a whirlwind into a space I never expected to be this early in my life.
The Earth seemed to have stopped that day, everything was a blur, the endless calls to be made.
And the most horrible call of all to make to my sweet boy on his overseas trip of a lifetime with crushing news that, his Dad was dead. Finding courage I didn’t have, to make the call was soul crushing, gut wrenching all the bad things at once - a horrible dream…. a nightmare really for this mom.
Jesus brought you home that Sunday afternoon, my dear hubby and I’m still wrecked we didn’t find you until Monday morning. I’m thankful it happened in a flash, no languishing or suffering. But this year, THIS YEAR has been so hard. I’m so sorry for both of us left behind that you are gone. But I don’t ask why - I know that you wouldn’t trade where you are now for here and I don’t want you to. And it was your time - you left right on time. You fought a hard, almost impossible battle while on earth and you deserve a Heavenly rest now.
Getting through Year One has been like dragging a boulder up a broken escalator. So impossible at times, but then I put my head down, dig a bit deeper, take a deep breath giving me temporary energy to push forward just a bit. Each step has felt like this, each decision, some so agonizing I just want to crawl in a hole and give up. I want to but I don’t … I didn’t… I have never been a quitter and I’m not going to start now!
So yes, it’s been quiet the ONE alright, this year of firsts of everything without you. I don’t expect it to get easier - you’re always there and over there and over here …. But as I made my way back to the exact spot where I was this time last year…. I knew I was coming full circle in Act I of the script that I am now writing in this new phase of my life. A pressure valve was slowly released this weekend of the ONE anniversary, tears flowed as if the weight of that boulder released just a bit… as the waves washed over me - it just all felt better. And joy will come in the morning, just patiently waiting for THAT morning, one sunrise at a time.
“…weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes in the morning.” (Psalms 30:5)