Hard Week

I THOUGHT things had gotten easier but as I head into the first anniversary of my husband’s Heavenly homecoming, it smacked me this morning as this is going to be a VERY hard week. This begins the one year ago of his last week on Earth, the last week of him walking our dog, the last week of his beloved college football…and the last week of him being SO proud of our travel nurse son.

Yes God has provided, showed up and CONTINUES to amaze me, prayer answer me, protect, guide etc… but this will be a big ask, God. I am going to need some extra salve on this cracked heart of mine… You are putting me back together, but dang, these heartbreaking milestones are getting to me!

I know I’m letting go of him…as if I’m on the beach and he’s floating out with the tide, farther away each day. I’m coming to terms with the loss, not sure where my sweet boy is though… his journey is quiet different from mine. The hurt is different, the ramifications are deeper - a boy without his hero to walk out the rest of his life.

I have spent this year contemplating so much so often…wow - But I have made it and am crawling back out - thanks to You!

And then my pastor resigned… I mean how hard can this final leg of the first year get? He has always been such a shepherd for both me and my hubby. And then right on cue, he showed up, never left our side and walked me and my boy through those horrible first steps of our grief journey. I just couldn’t have made it without him or our church staff’s shepherding in those early months.

In my reflective nature of this past year, I feel God is cutting my roots to my current place of residence one at a time. When I first discussed leaving our home and town of the past 20 years… my son’s first question to me was “What about our church, Mom?”… And it made me pause momentarily, as church has been the center of my entire life… finding a great one is not an easy task, however for the past 12 1/2 years we landed an amazing one!

So now as God makes everything new in my life so will this be -

Our Pastor’s last sermon spoke to my heart it was taken from Matthew 11:28-30: “Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest -”

I am ready for rest as I close this year behind me and to my precious pastor may you find rest as well.

Onward & upward!