#33
Roses & a Porsche…. sounds like a perfect combination, right? Except one half of the cast is missing. It was our anniversary today, #33. Happy Heavenly Anniversary Babe - I bought myself the roses from Costco that you were always so proud to bring home. As God’s provision of letting me know that He is in this with me and somehow a message sent from you as well - your precious Porsche was finally ready for pickup today. It’s been in the body shop since before you departed to Glory.
The timing will never be lost on me. Months of communication, supply chain issues, original parts needed from Germany etc… I didn’t think we’d ever get this car back, but she waited to show up on #33, 8/18/23… so special. I did spend the day having fun, girlfriend lunch, retail therapy in one of our favorite college towns… a place with a lot of sweet memories for our little family of what was once three.
So it was a good, good day - I didn’t know what to expect and my original plans were subverted by a phone call from the body shop and the rest became the end of the car chapter. So to be reunited with your car, to see this project come to an end and drive home in it - I knew we were together today, celebrating in the way we always have… a meal, a spin in a sports car - just perfect except I was driving and not crazy fast like you would have!
God always knows best, friends - but you must slow down to see the signs. Know when to switch gears, make the U turn…. I had planned on returning to the beautiful campus in my hometown at the exact spot we said “We Do” 33 years earlier, with my Costco roses in tow and sit and do what I always do… search the clouds for a sign from you that I’m going to be okay or something like that. But God had a better plan & it was way more less sad!
So I’ll take my little “wins” and add them to my heart as a salve to that deep wound that God is healing with time. This year of Firsts has been tough but it’s getting a teeny bit better as I get through each one. I let the tide pull you a bit further every time I make it through a first and then I watch you get a bit smaller out there in the waves from back here on the shore. I don’t want you to disappear but I know for me to rise from these ashes I will need to let go.
“Till Death do we part” never had a huge significance to me until death parted us. When it’s repeated on your wedding day, the focus is the beginning of life together not the end. The phrase flows seamlessly within marriage vows and you just let it roll off your tongue without really a second thought. And now we are just that, parted, me & you - just so surreal some days but especially today. I will always miss you but I’m learning anew in this separation God has ordained. I hope you are too.
You are always missed -